I'm reading this book right now (among many others 😊 ) called Setting Limits with your Strong Willed Child by Robert J Mackenzie. And, I highly recommend reading it!😉
Anyways, in the book he talks about setting firm limits with your kids. And I have to admit, that's not my strongest suit. I have given in to my son's demands more time than I can count, mainly to keep the peace.
But after reading this book, I’m learning that giving in just makes things worse in the long run.
So I'm starting to use these Mantras when the heat is on, and it has helped tremendously. The tantrums are calming down and I'm getting my way more and more.
Now I'm giving them to you in hopes that they will help you also. So let's dive in!
1. We don't Negotiate with Terrorist
Now, This one might be a little controversial, but here me out. Kids CAN be little terrorists sometimes. Am I right?!?! They fight to get what they want. They will stop at nothing to get it. They negotiate till someone else gives in. And They will tear up the house, if we let them. And what do we do with terrorists? We Don't Negotiate.
2. I'm doing this now so it's not harder later
As a preteen, it's so important that kids learn the rules. House rules, Parent rules, School rules, and the list goes on. If they don’t learn these rules now, with firm limits, what's going to happen when they get out into the world? They will end up getting in trouble with the law. And that is the last thing I want for my child.
3. He needs this structure
Look, All kids need structure. But it's even more important for a kiddo with ADHD. He is strong willed for sure, but he craves structure. And when he doesn't have that structure at home, he finds his own way. But that's not necessarily the way I want him to learn. And he will probably end up learning things I don’t want him to learn.
4. If I don't teach him who will
I get to be the one to teach my son what I want him to learn. And if I don't, someone else might, and they probably won't teach him the way I want or what I want, for that matter. I get to sculpt him into the man I want him to be. Even when it's hard. It's important for me to remember that.
5. It will make My life easier once this boundary is set
Sometimes I have to remind myself why I'm setting a boundary. When my son pushes back on a rule I set, I tend to start second guessing it. Am I being too harsh? Is this really a boundary I need to set? Reminding myself why I need to stand my ground with a rule, helps.
6. I'm allowed to set boundaries and my kids are allowed to feel angry.
I think this is the biggest one for me. I don't like people angry with me. And I didn't like conflict. So when my son is mad about a rule I'm enforcing or a boundary I'm setting, this mantra helps calm my anxiety about it and reminds me, it's ok. He can get mad, and he will still love me when he is over it (which usually only lasts for a few minutes).
So, there you have it. I hope they help you remember to stand your ground and not give in to the demands and the push backs. The mental stress of knowing you should not give in but do anyway, can be really hard on us moms. And these mantras will help calm that stress and help remind you why you're setting these boundaries, and stand your ground.
If you liked these mantras and they were helpful, please leave a comment below. Also, be sure to check out my FREE download on my specifice strategies for anxiety attacks that will calm your soul.
Until next time my Friend,
Stay Strong!